Tomorrow is the day. Dale has his biopsy in Omaha tomorrow. I read up on this biopsy and honestly, it sounds awful. Seems that with all the stress one must go through, knowing they have to have a biopsy and what the outcome could be, they would try to make it as painless as possible, but he told me there is no anesthesia involved.
He saw the specialist about a month ago and given his very high PSA result, the doctor said the next step was a prostate biopsy. We had to wait this long because the doctor was out of town. So finally the time is here. It will take a week to get the results.
We haven't talked about it much, he doesn't like to think about it too much I assume. He said that there is nothing we can do about it no matter what the outcome so there's no point dwelling on it. I'm not made that way. I like to talk it out, be prepared, discuss options, plans. But I have to respect the fact that he's not made that way.
Honestly, I seriously doubt that nothing is wrong. His PSA was way too high for this to be just a fluke so my mind goes to the future. Surgeries, treatments.....it's all very scary. He could die from this and I know that. I worry about the kids most. They are so young. They will have so many changes in their little lives. The best case scenario, if he does have cancer, is that he will have to have surgery, treatments, etc...and they will be affected even by this. They don't know anything right now, they don't even know that he has a doctor's appointment tomorrow.
I am taking care of mom now, and of course the kids. I will take care of him as well but honestly the thought of so much caregiving overwhelms me. I am a strong person but I'm going to have to pull alot of strength out of me that right now I am unaware that I have! I have to stay positive, for all of them and hope that I can find strength and support from my friends and family. I have a few friends here, but most of my support lives far away...
So please pray. For Dale, for the kids, for me...I will update as soon as I know more. Tomorrow will be tough for him, painful. He is strong and that is good. Your prayers and support are greatly appreciated.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Gracie
When our cat, Gracie, died I was so moved by the outpouring of love and sympathy that I received from my friends and family. I began thinking about our short time with Gracie and realized what a special, different kitty she was. I wanted to share this story as it actually is quite interesting!
In the summer of 2006 my dad decided he wanted to get a cat. He had been a few years without a cat, since his kitty, Katie, had passed away. He was ready. I encouraged him to get two cats, because he is very active and gone from his house and they could keep each other company. He asked me to pick out some kitties at the shelter for him and of course I was thrilled to do so!
So the kids and I headed to the shelter and took a look around. I'm the soft heart, always looking for the needy ones, and the ones with special stories. The first kitty we found was Spook, an all black cat. I was told that black cats were hard to adopt out, because of superstitions, so of course I took him. The next cat I saw was a baby kitten, not even weaned. Her mom had died and they were bottle feeding her. I decided I had to have her, for us...she was beautiful! Little Sophie. Then, realizing what a sucker I was, they showed me Gracie. She was a little older than Spook, but probably only a few months old. Her mother had Feline Distemper when she was pregnant, and she and all the other kittens had died. Gracie was the only one who survived. She was a little funny looking but seemed sweet enough. That was enough for me. I took her.
When we got them home, after a week or so, I figured out that Gracie must be deaf. Since Dad is blind, I decided that would not make a good combination, so we decided that Sophie and Spook would go with Dad and we would keep Gracie. She was very shy, would run away from people, when she walked she would bob and weave, almost like she was drunk. Her head would sway from side to side, she couldn't climb on anything. She could barely make it up the stairs.
I took her to the vet to have her checked out, shots, etc. He said she would probably always be this way, would be unable to get on furniture, climb the gate (to get to the "kitty room"). It was amazing that she had survived this long and probably would not live to be very old. She would always be "reclusive" and not to worry about her...at least we had saved her life and she would have a safe, good home.
Boy was he wrong. Within weeks of arriving at our house, the bobbing and weaving had almost stopped, she was climbing the stairs, chasing the other cats, I think she mimicked the other cats and that's how she learned to behave. She still didn't like people at all, but she loved the other cats and played and cuddled with them all the time.
We never paid that much attention to Gracie, I guess, she just "resided" here. Because she didn't like people it was hard to bond with her. But she was happy and beautiful.
A few weeks before Gracie died, I had noticed a slight change in her behavior. She had lost some weight, she wasn't playing with the other kitties as much. But with her, it's so hard to tell, since she won't let us close to her. When the kids and I were out of town, Dale texted me and told me that Gracie was going fast. She had stopped eating and drinking completely and was not being very mobile. By the time we got back to town (2 days later) she was not moving around at all. She way lying in the kitchen, under the kitchen table. I could tell she was just barely alive, her eyes were open and her breathing was shallow. I got the kids settled in, explained what was happening and sat on the floor next to her and called my dad.
She lived for about 30 more minutes, my dad stayed on the phone with me the whole time, of course...that's just the way he is. Gracie moved around a few times, just slightly. Then all of a sudden she started "making muffins". Her little paws moved back and forth, I think she was trying to comfort herself. Moments later she took a deep breath and sighed. It was over.
She lived a good life. A strange life, I will admit, but she loved the other kitties. She wasn't supposed to live at all and she touched us very deeply. She had a purpose and she was a good kitty....she will be missed.
In the summer of 2006 my dad decided he wanted to get a cat. He had been a few years without a cat, since his kitty, Katie, had passed away. He was ready. I encouraged him to get two cats, because he is very active and gone from his house and they could keep each other company. He asked me to pick out some kitties at the shelter for him and of course I was thrilled to do so!
So the kids and I headed to the shelter and took a look around. I'm the soft heart, always looking for the needy ones, and the ones with special stories. The first kitty we found was Spook, an all black cat. I was told that black cats were hard to adopt out, because of superstitions, so of course I took him. The next cat I saw was a baby kitten, not even weaned. Her mom had died and they were bottle feeding her. I decided I had to have her, for us...she was beautiful! Little Sophie. Then, realizing what a sucker I was, they showed me Gracie. She was a little older than Spook, but probably only a few months old. Her mother had Feline Distemper when she was pregnant, and she and all the other kittens had died. Gracie was the only one who survived. She was a little funny looking but seemed sweet enough. That was enough for me. I took her.
When we got them home, after a week or so, I figured out that Gracie must be deaf. Since Dad is blind, I decided that would not make a good combination, so we decided that Sophie and Spook would go with Dad and we would keep Gracie. She was very shy, would run away from people, when she walked she would bob and weave, almost like she was drunk. Her head would sway from side to side, she couldn't climb on anything. She could barely make it up the stairs.
I took her to the vet to have her checked out, shots, etc. He said she would probably always be this way, would be unable to get on furniture, climb the gate (to get to the "kitty room"). It was amazing that she had survived this long and probably would not live to be very old. She would always be "reclusive" and not to worry about her...at least we had saved her life and she would have a safe, good home.
Boy was he wrong. Within weeks of arriving at our house, the bobbing and weaving had almost stopped, she was climbing the stairs, chasing the other cats, I think she mimicked the other cats and that's how she learned to behave. She still didn't like people at all, but she loved the other cats and played and cuddled with them all the time.
We never paid that much attention to Gracie, I guess, she just "resided" here. Because she didn't like people it was hard to bond with her. But she was happy and beautiful.
A few weeks before Gracie died, I had noticed a slight change in her behavior. She had lost some weight, she wasn't playing with the other kitties as much. But with her, it's so hard to tell, since she won't let us close to her. When the kids and I were out of town, Dale texted me and told me that Gracie was going fast. She had stopped eating and drinking completely and was not being very mobile. By the time we got back to town (2 days later) she was not moving around at all. She way lying in the kitchen, under the kitchen table. I could tell she was just barely alive, her eyes were open and her breathing was shallow. I got the kids settled in, explained what was happening and sat on the floor next to her and called my dad.
She lived for about 30 more minutes, my dad stayed on the phone with me the whole time, of course...that's just the way he is. Gracie moved around a few times, just slightly. Then all of a sudden she started "making muffins". Her little paws moved back and forth, I think she was trying to comfort herself. Moments later she took a deep breath and sighed. It was over.
She lived a good life. A strange life, I will admit, but she loved the other kitties. She wasn't supposed to live at all and she touched us very deeply. She had a purpose and she was a good kitty....she will be missed.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Updates...sort of
I really should update more often, because by the time I do, there is so much to say, it's a bit overwhelming. But somethings must remain unsaid for the time being, so maybe it's just as well for now.
Nana is still in the nursing home. Unbelievable how hard that decision was to make. She saw the neurologist on Friday and he is wanting to rule out a stroke, so we went for an MRI on Saturday. Hopefully those results will be back tomorrow. She continues to fall, or almost fall since fortunately there is usually a nurse or therapist around to catch her. If she were at home, it would be a matter of time before she would break a hip, so it's just as well.
Then there's Dale. He had his annual physical last week (for the first time in 10 years!) and had some very irregular results come back. VERY irregular. Now I'm not meaning to be a pessimist, but it just doesn't look very promising. He will see a specialist on the 11th, so we will see what happens then.
I have a tendency to complicate things, or at least my emotions tend to. I want and try to do the right things, but that doesn't seem to work out. Perhaps if I could turn my feelings off, it would benefit everyone. But I seem to be incapable of that. So for the time being I continue to fall on my face and try to pull myself up and dust myself off and hope no one noticed...
More soon, and hopefully more honesty as well. So many things I should share, just can't right now.
Nana is still in the nursing home. Unbelievable how hard that decision was to make. She saw the neurologist on Friday and he is wanting to rule out a stroke, so we went for an MRI on Saturday. Hopefully those results will be back tomorrow. She continues to fall, or almost fall since fortunately there is usually a nurse or therapist around to catch her. If she were at home, it would be a matter of time before she would break a hip, so it's just as well.
Then there's Dale. He had his annual physical last week (for the first time in 10 years!) and had some very irregular results come back. VERY irregular. Now I'm not meaning to be a pessimist, but it just doesn't look very promising. He will see a specialist on the 11th, so we will see what happens then.
I have a tendency to complicate things, or at least my emotions tend to. I want and try to do the right things, but that doesn't seem to work out. Perhaps if I could turn my feelings off, it would benefit everyone. But I seem to be incapable of that. So for the time being I continue to fall on my face and try to pull myself up and dust myself off and hope no one noticed...
More soon, and hopefully more honesty as well. So many things I should share, just can't right now.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Blogworthy Subjects
Seems there are a few things I feel are "blogworthy" and I'm not sure where to begin. Unfortunately the kids are still awake and so no blogging will be done right now, but I thought I should at least write down my ideas, for a time when I can sit down and write, so they don't escape me!
1. The things we do for love.
2. Even Johns Hopkins thinks I'm a freak of nature!
3. Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster
4. Walmart Employees with Big Mouths (ok, so this one isn't really worthy of an entire blog, but a funny story just the same, something I'm sure MANY could sympathize with).
OK, there they are....I will sit down very soon (hopefully later tonight) and get started. :)
1. The things we do for love.
2. Even Johns Hopkins thinks I'm a freak of nature!
3. Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster
4. Walmart Employees with Big Mouths (ok, so this one isn't really worthy of an entire blog, but a funny story just the same, something I'm sure MANY could sympathize with).
OK, there they are....I will sit down very soon (hopefully later tonight) and get started. :)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Momma is a Rolling Stone...
Well, since my last entry so much has happened. Those two kidney stones mentioned in my previous post? Both reared their ugly heads. One was blasted to kingdom come by way of lithotripsy, the other decided to surprise me. And let me tell you, lithotripsy is an absolute miracle, a blessing! Granted, you have to go through the whole going to the hospital, anesthesia, IVs and all that mess....but compared to passing a stone naturally? Well, trust me there is no comparison.
So Thursday I had my surgery in Omaha, did very well. Yeah I was a little sore, felt like someone had given me a good, hard kidney punch but I was alright. Monday evening as I was getting ready for work I started feeling a slight pain in my right side. And being WAY too experienced in kidney stones I knew exactly what was happening. I knew there was a very small window of time here before the full attack was going to hit. So I calmly told Dale and the kids what was going on, called in sick to work and went to the bedroom, shut the door and "hunkered down" ready for the worst.
The worst came within 30 minutes. Maybe it's a good thing we forget the pain, because it's the WORST pain ever. I mean the WORST pain. There's no comfortable position you can get in, no few moments of relief (like in labor when you are having contractions) just constant excruciating pain...I had taken some pain pills given to me after my surgery but, well, when pain gets really, really bad....you can't keep anything down. Not even pain pills.
Then came the relief. All the violence associated with passing a stone (yes, I said violence and I meant it) moved the stone along and it found a new resting place in a more comfortable spot. And the pain subsided and I passed out. Finally.
Now, the doctor told me a few years ago that if I had ANY more stones, we were going to do surgery (yes ANOTHER surgery). We needed to stop this, I was having way to many of these. Let's see, my first stone was in 1997 (and that was a story in itself!) and I have had 5 since then. So evidently there is a "gland" in my neck called the Parathyroid Gland. Its produces calcium and apparently I produce WAY too much of it, which creates these little gems. So we gotta take it out. We've tried diet change, medication, neither of which works. There's really no dangerous affects from this surgery, so I say do it and save me from having anymore stones! I go back to the doctor in a few weeks and we will go from there.
Yes, I am much better, although my VERY lengthy medical leave has turned into a resignation. In the past 5 months I've had 3 surgeries/procedures and passed 2 kidney stones. It's time to concentrate on getting well and getting my life back in order. As you can imagine, order has not been a number one priority around here for quite some time! The kids love my being at home, the house is cleaner, meals are being cooked and the kids are actually being picked up when and where they are supposed to be!
So there ya have it....hopefully there will be no more kidney stone blogs. Maybe some recovery blogs? Maybe some vacation blogs? Maybe some happy news blogs? Yes, good stuff....it's about time.
So Thursday I had my surgery in Omaha, did very well. Yeah I was a little sore, felt like someone had given me a good, hard kidney punch but I was alright. Monday evening as I was getting ready for work I started feeling a slight pain in my right side. And being WAY too experienced in kidney stones I knew exactly what was happening. I knew there was a very small window of time here before the full attack was going to hit. So I calmly told Dale and the kids what was going on, called in sick to work and went to the bedroom, shut the door and "hunkered down" ready for the worst.
The worst came within 30 minutes. Maybe it's a good thing we forget the pain, because it's the WORST pain ever. I mean the WORST pain. There's no comfortable position you can get in, no few moments of relief (like in labor when you are having contractions) just constant excruciating pain...I had taken some pain pills given to me after my surgery but, well, when pain gets really, really bad....you can't keep anything down. Not even pain pills.
Then came the relief. All the violence associated with passing a stone (yes, I said violence and I meant it) moved the stone along and it found a new resting place in a more comfortable spot. And the pain subsided and I passed out. Finally.
Now, the doctor told me a few years ago that if I had ANY more stones, we were going to do surgery (yes ANOTHER surgery). We needed to stop this, I was having way to many of these. Let's see, my first stone was in 1997 (and that was a story in itself!) and I have had 5 since then. So evidently there is a "gland" in my neck called the Parathyroid Gland. Its produces calcium and apparently I produce WAY too much of it, which creates these little gems. So we gotta take it out. We've tried diet change, medication, neither of which works. There's really no dangerous affects from this surgery, so I say do it and save me from having anymore stones! I go back to the doctor in a few weeks and we will go from there.
Yes, I am much better, although my VERY lengthy medical leave has turned into a resignation. In the past 5 months I've had 3 surgeries/procedures and passed 2 kidney stones. It's time to concentrate on getting well and getting my life back in order. As you can imagine, order has not been a number one priority around here for quite some time! The kids love my being at home, the house is cleaner, meals are being cooked and the kids are actually being picked up when and where they are supposed to be!
So there ya have it....hopefully there will be no more kidney stone blogs. Maybe some recovery blogs? Maybe some vacation blogs? Maybe some happy news blogs? Yes, good stuff....it's about time.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Is That Sunshine I See?
Keep it on the sunny side, right? Yeah, we do the best we can around here! But on the plus side the kids and I got to take a walk yesterday (yea warmer weather!) and it's actually supposed to get up to 73 today!! It's been a LONG time comin'! (I use WAY too many song references, don't I? Blame it on my Dad!)
Well, I got my CAT scan results back. Typical me...good grief! Kidney stones in BOTH kidneys and cysts on BOTH ovaries. I just can't keep it simple, can I? Luckily the stones aren't obstructing anything yet and the cysts aren't too big. So that's a plus! I've had kidney stones 3 times before and talk about unpleasant! So let's all just think SMALL! :) My scope is tomorrow, so maybe I will know more then.
I've been playing around on Facebook alot lately. OK so maybe I am bordering on an addiction, but it's so much fun! Catching up with people I haven't seen in a million years, keeping up with current friends. I find I talk to my brother and sister so much more because of Facebook. Convenient, maybe, but it's just so nice to be in eachother's life more regularly. I'm finding that people that I was friends with back in school are still just as dear to me, that time hasn't hurt the friendship. I'm glad to have found them again, and been able to rebuild wonderful friendships.
So I worked last night, alone. Yup, it happens sometimes. My coworker called in sick so it was 41 residents and me. A friend of mine told me he hoped I would have an "uneventful" night. I don't think I ever have an "uneventful" night, considering where I work, but it wasn't bad at all. I had plenty to keep me busy and the usual residents that get up every night coming by to get a drink of water, ask (for the millionth time) what time they can shower, complaining about their roommate, little things like that. My favorite time of the shift is around 5am when they begin to wake up, come get their cup of coffee and say good morning to me. They always go out of their way to say good morning and when I leave they always say good bye and to sleep well. They have gone through so much in their lives, and continue to do so. But moments like that, you forget why they are there. They are just like the rest of us (some are much saner than a few people I've met on the outside!) going about their business, starting their day. Gotta love 'em.
So yes, that is Sunshine I see, but now I must go to sleep and see the inside of my eyelids! :)
Well, I got my CAT scan results back. Typical me...good grief! Kidney stones in BOTH kidneys and cysts on BOTH ovaries. I just can't keep it simple, can I? Luckily the stones aren't obstructing anything yet and the cysts aren't too big. So that's a plus! I've had kidney stones 3 times before and talk about unpleasant! So let's all just think SMALL! :) My scope is tomorrow, so maybe I will know more then.
I've been playing around on Facebook alot lately. OK so maybe I am bordering on an addiction, but it's so much fun! Catching up with people I haven't seen in a million years, keeping up with current friends. I find I talk to my brother and sister so much more because of Facebook. Convenient, maybe, but it's just so nice to be in eachother's life more regularly. I'm finding that people that I was friends with back in school are still just as dear to me, that time hasn't hurt the friendship. I'm glad to have found them again, and been able to rebuild wonderful friendships.
So I worked last night, alone. Yup, it happens sometimes. My coworker called in sick so it was 41 residents and me. A friend of mine told me he hoped I would have an "uneventful" night. I don't think I ever have an "uneventful" night, considering where I work, but it wasn't bad at all. I had plenty to keep me busy and the usual residents that get up every night coming by to get a drink of water, ask (for the millionth time) what time they can shower, complaining about their roommate, little things like that. My favorite time of the shift is around 5am when they begin to wake up, come get their cup of coffee and say good morning to me. They always go out of their way to say good morning and when I leave they always say good bye and to sleep well. They have gone through so much in their lives, and continue to do so. But moments like that, you forget why they are there. They are just like the rest of us (some are much saner than a few people I've met on the outside!) going about their business, starting their day. Gotta love 'em.
So yes, that is Sunshine I see, but now I must go to sleep and see the inside of my eyelids! :)
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
It's Been A While!
My friend, Kari, told me today that she missed my blogs. I realized, I do too! What a good outlet for me, I think I don't have time for this, but if it's good for me, I should do it. So try again I will, to do this for myself. It's been a year since I last "blogged" and so much has happened, I can't even begin to catch up....so I will just start anew.
I went to the doctor today. I'm almost 8 weeks post surgery (hysterectomy) and am doing very well, well sort of. A few weeks ago at work while I was trying to be superwoman moving tables and buffing floors, I started to pee blood (ok, stop now if you just don't want to know this much about me!) This went on for a few days and I went to my primary care physician. She couldn't figure out what was up...there was blood but no infection. So she referred me to a urologist. I went to see him today and although he had no answers, he did want to do some tests. To begin with, I have to get a CAT scan tomorrow. And joy of joys, I get to drink these two HUGE (well, 16oz) bottles of "berry flavored" barium tonight. Berry flavored chalk more like it! And then nothing to eat after 9pm. When I get to the hospital tomorrow, more "berry chalk" and then an IV wth dye. Once that is over I will go to the lab for some labwork ("to rule out cancer", he says ever so calmly). Then, on March 17th I get to have a cystoscopy. A scope put up into my bladder to see how it looks from the inside! Now, some will tell you, this is no big deal...but I'm so sorry, tubes just should not go in certain places, and that's one of those places!! I've actually had two scopes before, when I had kidney stones and did not handle it very well. I was awake both times and that was just WRONG! I guess we all have our things. For some it's needles, for me it's scopes. So after some begging and pleading, he agreed to do it under general anesthesia. YEA! Now that's the best news I got at the doctor's office!
So, that's my update. For now. I'm planning on LOTS of good news from these tests. I'm sure I just overdid it, so soon after surgery and all is fine now. I'm not in pain, and I feel like if something were terribly wrong, I would hurt.
More to come...
I went to the doctor today. I'm almost 8 weeks post surgery (hysterectomy) and am doing very well, well sort of. A few weeks ago at work while I was trying to be superwoman moving tables and buffing floors, I started to pee blood (ok, stop now if you just don't want to know this much about me!) This went on for a few days and I went to my primary care physician. She couldn't figure out what was up...there was blood but no infection. So she referred me to a urologist. I went to see him today and although he had no answers, he did want to do some tests. To begin with, I have to get a CAT scan tomorrow. And joy of joys, I get to drink these two HUGE (well, 16oz) bottles of "berry flavored" barium tonight. Berry flavored chalk more like it! And then nothing to eat after 9pm. When I get to the hospital tomorrow, more "berry chalk" and then an IV wth dye. Once that is over I will go to the lab for some labwork ("to rule out cancer", he says ever so calmly). Then, on March 17th I get to have a cystoscopy. A scope put up into my bladder to see how it looks from the inside! Now, some will tell you, this is no big deal...but I'm so sorry, tubes just should not go in certain places, and that's one of those places!! I've actually had two scopes before, when I had kidney stones and did not handle it very well. I was awake both times and that was just WRONG! I guess we all have our things. For some it's needles, for me it's scopes. So after some begging and pleading, he agreed to do it under general anesthesia. YEA! Now that's the best news I got at the doctor's office!
So, that's my update. For now. I'm planning on LOTS of good news from these tests. I'm sure I just overdid it, so soon after surgery and all is fine now. I'm not in pain, and I feel like if something were terribly wrong, I would hurt.
More to come...
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